Accept Who You Really Are : Be who you're actually meant to be

Back in the day, I used to consider myself a good boxer. I always thought that if I wanted to, I could knock anyone out.

Then I joined a Mixed Martial Arts club and got exposed to many other fighters—beginners as well as advanced fighters. Out of the three days of training each week, two days were for training, and the third day was for sparring.

I loved training days; the physical exhaustion from the drills made me feel good and powerful. But I hated sparring day.

Sparring is where it got real, testing your mettle against others. This is where you see if you’re a good fighter or not. I remember getting hit in the face more often than I could hit back and spending the next few days with cuts and bruises all over.

Over time, I started skipping the sparring and the tournaments. While others who joined with me continued and got ranked in competitions, I kept thinking I didn’t have time for this and that if I wanted to, I could win a tournament. I was living a fantasy life in my mind.

Like me, most people are afraid of certain things—or certain parts of themselves—that might be unacceptable to them or others.

In Jungian psychology, these are known as “Shadow self.”

Accepting it would be embarrassing. I thought the best way to deal with this was to repress those embarrassing parts of me—in this case, the fact that I was a crappy boxer.

This made me construct an ideal image of myself from the bits and pieces of my past that I regarded as good and acceptable by society.

But I could never reach my full potential as a person doing this.

I was only a good boxer in my fantasy, but in reality, while everyone else improved, I remained the same.

As a result, I was losing the opportunity to actually become a skilled martial artist. I was living a fractured, partial life that, if I continued, would have given me nothing but regret in the end.

But there comes a point in one’s life when you’ve had enough of this—when you decide that things should change.

I started acknowledging reality.

Now I frequent both training and sparring days.

I willingly spar with anyone I can.

My imaginary ideal self-image is gone, which was not easy to deal with at first. I realized that I’m not as good a boxer as I previously thought—that there’s a lot of room to improve.

But I persisted, and as a result, my bruises and cuts have gradually decreased, and my skills and discipline as a martial artist have improved—in some ways beyond my expectations.

I will be participating in tournaments in the near future, and even if I get knocked out, I know I will be better in the long run, and it will all be real.

Looking back, it was the right thing to do.

To fully reach one’s potential, the shadow must be integrated into their personality.

This feels scary at first because it will shatter the ideal image you’ve made of yourself. Instead, you will be a person with actual strengths and weaknesses.

But you should confront the shadow self, acknowledge it, and integrate it into yourself.

It will be painful in the short run, but it is the better decision in the long run.

We usually prefer to remain just potential.

We convince ourselves that we could be whatever we want to be or will be someday in the future, but we avoid putting in the effort every day to get there. We let the idea that ‘we could someday’ comfort us into a numb state of mind.

The reason for this is that when we work towards something, we start feeling our presence in the world.

We’re measured, ranked, and judged. We’re quantified and actual, where this actual reality is less pleasurable than the fantasy we live in, where we could be anything.

But reality can be improved, maybe beyond our wildest expectations, while fantasy always ends in tragedy.

— Self-improvement starts with self-acceptance —

Accept the ugly but real parts of yourself.

Become that loser you’re afraid to be—continue to be who you want to be every day, and down the long road, your potential will be fully realized.

You will live life to the fullest, and in the end, you will look back and have no regrets—you will know that you did your best.

The decision is yours: would you rather try in reality, or limit your win to a fantasy?